I’m visiting your website on an iPad. It has a higher resolution than most desktop computers I was using ten years ago.

So don’t show me the mobile version of your website. It’s useless to me.

The union representing the fuel truck drivers hasn’t even gone into arbitration yet, let alone announced their intent to strike or the day on which they intend to strike.

The impending strike has to be announced with a minimum of seven days notice.

And yet on my way home this evening, to do my regular fuelling up of my car – I do 800 miles a week, so I do this more often than most – every damn petrol station was clogged with utter, utter cretins panic buying fuel.

I’m not just a bit put out by this; I completely detest every last one of you. You are the most stupid people I have ever had the mispleasure of sharing breathing room with.

Hmmm. Despite that fact that I have managed to find over 85 individual complaints to write about on this site, why do I not complain in public?

I think I’m actually too English.

Why is it that when I’m going somewhere, that I then discover all my devices have flat batteries?

And why then, do I realise that I simply don’t have enough chargers to charge them all at once?

This is a bit of a mental complaint, rather than a physical one – bear with me.

Why do we react to things that our minds know just aren’t the case? For example, why do I always look for a sign with my name on when I arrive off a flight, even when I’m going home and my car is in the carpark?

What a shame. You’ve clearly spent a lot of money on that car, and have lavished a load of attention on it – it’s immaculate.

It’s a high performance car that has been tested and tuned to an inch of its life by the manufacturer, and designed to remain stable at high speeds, corner as if it’s on rails, and generally cushion the driver while providing a thrilling and dynamic driving experience.

So I feel really sad when I see you pottering along at 30, braking early, and generally not doing what the car was designed to do. It’s as if the carefully designed performance features are being wasted in order to supplement your ego.

It’s a four ton vehicle, that must be all of ten feet tall, with multicoloured markings and four super bright flashing blue lights on the front.

You can’t honestly tell me that you can’t see it when it bears down on you on the motorway – so why didn’t you get out of its way?

What a fantastic feature. Leave the headlight switch in one position, and the headlights switch on and off automatically! I don’t have to think about it!

Except in fog, when the car thinks there is enough light to negate the use of headlights, but doesn’t realise that I can’t see more than 100 yards down the road and other cars can’t see me.

I wondered why I was getting so many other drivers flashing their lights and beeping horns at me the other morning – my lights weren’t on and I hadn’t even noticed.

oops.

Note to Service Stations on motorways all over the country; when your “free” wifi requires me to create an account just to check my email, then it’s not free. I’m paying for it by allowing my email address to be spammed with your marketing garbage every day for the rest of my life.

I’m only following a few people. Maybe less than 30. But when I leave twitter for 24 hours and come back to find 152 tweets to read, that’s not social reading, that’s work.